Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I'm an incompetent tooth fairy

None of my children believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. Even the youngest is quick to tell you that neither one exists. So why do I have to keep going through the motions? I'm not good at this!

I'm especially bad when it comes to the tooth fairy. When our oldest lost her first tooth, a few years ahead of schedule and with surgical intervention because I'm Mom to that one kid who ever got hurt going down the slide on her belly, I fought the dentist to be allowed to bring home the pieces of broken tooth. Because she had to be able to put it under her pillow for the tooth fairy.

That was probably my first mistake. I should never have let any of my kids find out about the whole tooth fairy concept.

A few years later, when Alex was losing teeth on schedule, her younger brother retrieved one from its hiding place and swallowed it. Ever try explaining to the doctor that your little boy just swallowed a tooth and it wasn't his own and that's why you're so worried? They referred me to poison control, and I got to go through the whole story again with them. Apparently that one isn't in their handbook, but teeth are inert, so the nice lady was pretty sure it would be okay.

Things mostly settled down after that, except for the nights I fell asleep myself before tucking money under pillows, and the times I left the tooth along with the money because I couldn't find it in the dark, and the time I did take the tooth and leave the money and was greeted first thing in the morning by a screaming child who couldn't find the money, which was right under the pillow....

When Quinn lost his first tooth a few months ago, I almost changed my mind about the whole tooth fairy thing. After reminding me that there was no tooth fairy, he showed me how he planned to hold his tooth in his stretched out hand all night. It was so adorable, I almost got excited about the whole thing all over again.

Last week, he lost another tooth and handed it forward from the backseat of the van. Never mind that I was driving on the interstate and not at all prepared to deal with a bloody tooth...I think he gets that from his older brother who seemed to lose every tooth in as public a place as possible.

Leif wasn't about to be outdone and had a tooth of his own that was just barely loose. By the end of the afternoon, he was handing me a tooth and smiling a bloody grin. In the morning, he was wailing at me because he couldn't spend the real silver coin that the tooth fairy had left him at the Dollar Tree...

I've got two mouthfuls of baby teeth to get through before I can put this whole routine behind me. And then there's the bleached jaw Leif found when we were hiking down to the river last week. He had plans to leave the teeth under his pillow to get more money.... and if it wasn't for the fact that it's so gross, I'd be tempted to let him get away with it....

This post is linked to Finding the Funny.


Johanna said...

The whole tooth fairy thing is an issue at our house. My daughter cried for hours when she woke up to find that there was money and not her tooth still. She was upset that she would never see it again. I had to write a note to the tooth fairy that we would like to keep the tooth (and still get money for it). The tooth fairy was nice enough to grant our wish and they are kept in a baby food jar with a label.

Needled Mom said...

Oh dear! I hate to tell you about all the times that the tooth fairy's extra busy schedule at night kept her from showing up at our place on time. SIGH!

Laura said...

My oldest son once got 10 dollars from the tooth fairy because that stupid fairy forgot to pick up the tooth 2 weeks in a row!

My third son lost a tooth one night when the five of us were in a hotel room. We had to turn off all the lights to get him to go to sleep. And then my DH and I had to try and stay awake in a dark hotel room long enough to deliver the money.

My parents had 8 kids and a great idea. Anyone who lost a tooth put it on a glass on the mantle. I don't recall them ever forgetting to pay up.

Eventually, my kids would just hand me the tooth, and I'd hand them a dollar. The magic was gone, but they got their money.

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

Damn tooth fairy, she's such a troublemaker. Ellen


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